Right Fighting

I was in a resturant today and overheard a parent having a loud and interesting conversation with his son. The man kept emphasising how the child was wrong. The son said, " yes I did it, but not after you told me not to do it." The father said "you did it on purpose."

The son replied "yes I did, but not after you told me to stop."

" You did it! the father said in a louder voice."

" Yes, the son admitted but I stopped after you told me."

"The father said you had a good time doing it didn't you?" .

The son said "no I stopped."

The father said "but before you enjoyed it."

" Yes" the son answered. " You are so wrong."
"But I stopped when you told me to" the son replied."

" You were wrong and that is all I dont want to hear another word about it."

What is wrong with this? This is what I call "right fighting". The father was so concerned about being right he failed to teach his son the lesson he wanted to reinforcce. Parents need to be careful to not let being right get in the way of teaching the lesson. I think the Dad would have been much more effective if he had acknowledged the fact that his son did stop when asked. Letting his son know, he had been heard. The reinforced that he did not expect to see his son engaging in such behavior again. The lesson was lost. I guarntee you that the son left that conversation feeling picked on and weak. Rather than encouraged and powerful to prevent the behavior from happening again. Parenting leaves a mark on the child. I encourag parents to place all the importance on teaching the lesson.